Almost a living lexicon: Post 4

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Post 4

Well,still surviving, if a little bruised. I'm obviously going to have to watch my Ps and Qs a little more carefully. There are some very tender egos out there. Suggesting to an author that they may have made a mistake in their MS is fraught with danger. Where did this dreadful practice of using apostrophe s as plural come from? "Friend's" begs the question"Friend's WHAT?", whereas "Friends" refers to more than one friend, but somehow the former version seems to have become the standard usage for the latter. Just reading an ebook becomes painful with this sort of error. I mean, I've heard about self publishing, but PLEASE, get someone who knows what they are about to check the work first! You owe it to your readers, and your self respect as an author. English is a language that is tetchy, with socalled "modern variations" being given as the excuse for bad spelling or grammar, but most of the world that uses English as a means of communication uses STANDARD SPELLINGS! The poor devils who are from a background other than English speaking, and desperately trying to learn the language, don't cope well with errors in what is purportedly written English. Believe me, I know. Been there, done that. In spades, since Australians don't really speak English. Most of them come close, but not quite. There is a phrase used in this country-"Telling someone where to go", which equates to the British term "Sod off" or a ruder equivalent. DEFINITELY NOT giving someone directions. At least written English does not usually have nasal twangs in pronunciation. Sometimes, I go back to reading Nietsche in the German,just to get a break. Götterdämmerung does not have many errors left in it. For that matter,nor does a Dutch version of Napoleon's biography. Unfortunately, my French is not good enough for the original version. Still, telling an author that "roux" does not mean "roué" didn't go down well either. Why is it so hard for some people to accept that others may speak more than one language? It's almost unheard of in Europe to NOT speak more than one. For me, I feel that it's an extra string to my bow, and there's no extra charge while I'm proof reading.:-) Oh well, I'll just sit back and keep busy for now. My original offer still stands, just look at my first post. As soon as I work out how to post my prices in the side bar, I'll do so. Soon.

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CONFLAGRATION

Across this land, a burning brand,

Will lead to consternation!

With trickling hose and bucket of sand,

They'll fight for conservation

Of house, of car, then there's the shed!

While fireballs roar overhead!

Where two years ago it was so wet,

Two metres of water stood, and yet,

Today we have a sea of grass,

A long way higher than your arse!

A cigarette, dropped into that?

A mile long fire front in no time flat!

A summer wind, from out of the North,

Will cause the bushfire to spring forth.

Then, when it hits the eucalypts,

The oils will foam out from the tips

Of those weird leaves, with that strong smell,

And men will see again those scenes from Hell!

You'll hear the firefighters wail,

"What happened to that fire trail?

We warned them! 'Keep it clear of scrub!'

They didn't! Now it's burning, Bub!"

"Now trees are down, across the track,

And ten foot flames just drive us back!"

"We have no hope, of getting in there,

To save the houses, and we despair!

Of saving property and lives, and yet,

They'll expect us to save it all, I'll bet!

They build their house under those trees,

And then they fall down on their knees.

"Oh please! Save my new house!

It's all so picturesque, so grouse!"

But have they cleared the ground?

No! They left all that fuel around!

That big gas tank, exposed against the wall,

First bit of flame? A fireball!

Everywhere, three years ago,

The gum tree trunks were black! And so,

You can't tell me they could not see then,

Those huge bushfires could come again!

They insist on living 'on the fringe'!

And their fire sense just makes you cringe!

A PUGGLE

I finally found an absurd word,

I previously had not ever heard!

You know, with words I like to juggle,

But I'd never even heard of 'puggle'!

It refers, I'm told, or so it seems,

To little baby monotremes!

This means the young of so strange a beast,

As the Echidna, and the platypus, at least!

When they hatch, from their egg (!?)

Before they grow strong enough in leg,

And spines, or fur, (whichever applies)

And they have not yet opened up their eyes!

Their mothers, hiding 'neath the ground,

Suckle their young, or so it's found!

The platypus, hiding in a burrow,

The echidna, often just rests in a furrow.

The young look like softly moulded clay,

But they grow bigger by the day!

To describe how they look, is very hard,

Much like an ocarina, just not scarred.

No holes to cover with one's fingers,

And that ‘soft’ emotion stays, and lingers.

They're so helpless, blind, and Oh, so cute,

Then they grow into a stubborn little- brute!

My pricing

Keep in mind that I am NOT a content editor, just a very accurate, very fast line editor- I will pick up context, tense, spelling, or general 'typos'. Even time conflicts quite often. If you accidentally change a character's name, or gender, I'll pick that up too. If you happen to use the male version of an expression instead of the female in French or German, I'll probably pick that up too. I know a lot, about a lot, but I expect you to do your own research where needed. If I think you're wrong, I'll put in a comment for you to check whatever. Ultimately though, it's YOUR book. You decide whether you want to accept my proposed changes. (After all, you may have a valid reason for using a particular phrase, or word.)

As for my pricing?- Quick, and easy. Minimum charge for any job is USD10.00, for anything up to 40 pages. After that, it's a flat rate of USD40 cents per page. EG; 93 pages? USD$37.20. 309 pages? USD$123.60.
Payment by/to Paypal with my email address as account name.
Of course, if it is a BIG MS, or very 'clean', I am always willing to negotiate my pricing downward. Subject to a quick preview by me, of course.
I will send an invoice for the work, and I would prefer a 25% retainer 'up front' for any job in excess of 400 pages from new customers.
I would expect to do almost any job in 24 to 72 HOURS, for any MS of less than 400 pages, unless the text is turgid, or there are a lot of errors. If you write a wheelbarrow full, then it may take as long as a week. (Still a lot faster than most!)
Any minor use of a common Western European language does not incur any extra fee. Even Afrikaans is no problem.

Almost a living lexicon

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Sunday, 17 June 2012

Post 4

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