Aha, there you are! Or should I say, Voila! Je sui ici! Sorry folks, It's been a long time between drinks, but my life has been on hold while I was in hospital. Will/can someone tell me how a new, modern hospital can fail to provide reasonable internet access to its patients? The place I was in was willing to provide internet access, if the patient was prepared to; A; pay an arm and a leg up front, B; put everything into THEIR computer system, C; put up with no WI-FI system. No details of any security of their system, no details, period! Sorry, but not good enough for mine! Can you imagine loading other people's work into a third party's computer? I went into hospital on the 17th of December,2014, for an operation on my Right big toe. I finally escaped on the 20th of August 2015, (!!!) minus one foot! I'd never realised how different life can be when your leg stops just below the knee! Somehow, shopping suddenly becomes difficult. When one is bipedal, one never notices that minor step up from the pavement into a shop, or the impractical design of a checkout! Forget about carrying your purchases, if you're in an unpowered wheelchair. And as for carrying anything while trying to get around on crutches, FORGET IT! But worse than all this is the sudden finding that you're treated as if you've had your brain removed, and that obviously you can't do anything for yourself! I try to be as independent as possible, but everywhere I go, people keep asking "Are you OK mate? Do you need a push?" with an almost immediate grab at the handles of my chair. Damn it, no! And then, their offended response is, "oh, no need to be like that, I was only trying to help yer!" Maybe I'm paranoid, but the concept of a stranger controlling where I'm going, from behind me---Urgh! Very occasionally, the slope is too much, but even then, I find reversing up usually works quite well. I'm hoping for a prosthesis very early in the new year, and then I hope to get around with a walking stick for a while. Meanwhile the whole Rehab system shuts down for a month for that pagan festival of shopping fever! Meanwhile, my other gripe is that I can't drive myself around. Not having that right foot means that I can't operate the pedals of my car, so I'm stuck relying on my son, or taxis. Life sucks, when you lose that accustomed independence! At least I haven't succumbed to the very common ailment of 3 out of 4 amputees: depression! I'm not depressed, just so damned ANGRY! Bloody doctors! But now to important stuff! I'm back, people! Anybody want some product proofed? I'm very restricted in my physical life, but my brain is still fully functional! Roll up, Roll up! Send me your work, I'm hungry, I'm ready, to paraphrase that famous line. Let me correct your poor vocab, your typos, your omitted words! "Quickly, and with style" as M Alphonse would say! (I've been watching too many DVD's, obviously!) My Kindle library is full of stuff I normally wouldn't look at once, let alone twice, but what else can I do? I've knitted, and given away, nearly a hundred sets of baby bootees and bonnets, but the weather is heating up, and that activity is becoming unpleasant now. Hence this plea for intellectual stimulation. HALP! Please, people!

Easter Eggs!

So another Pagan festival has passed. It's no wonder children get confused. Does Easter celebrate the old time pagan belief in the beginning of new life in the Spring, or the sad story of Christ on the cross? (That's if you're a Christian believer, of course!) How do all those non-Christians out there cope with it all? And all this eating of rabbits. Eggs is fine, they're common day-to-day fare, but rabbits? I'm quite partial to a bit of well-cooked rabbit. Stew, or roasted, or almost any other way.
 But children, and soft-hearted adults always think of those 'cute, cuddly bunnies' or even the well-known Bugs, as portrayed by that master Chuck Jones. Somehow it puts them off eating the 'fur-bearin' critter'. Yet somehow it's perfectly legitimate to eat rabbits in chocolate effigy. Am I the only one to see the dichotomy in this? From a practical point of view of course, it's much cheaper to buy a solid block of chocolate than it is to buy hollow chocolate figurines, but somehow, most people overlook that fact. Isn't advertising and brainwashing wonderful? I'll bet the manufacturers laugh all the way to the bank. No, don't give me the spiel about it only being once a year, and what harm does it do! It's insidious, and pervades so many corners of Western society. Just because we have more, doesn't mean we should waste more! How much packaging is wasted on moving say, 2 dozen chocolate rabbits, compared to an equivalent quantity of chocolate in block form? 3 times as much? Four? The use of plastic in blown shapes? Just to protect chocolate from breakage! Plastic is made from oil. Why is the world complaining about a fuel shortage?
Ah well, I'd better stop my gripes again. I've been reading again. And laughing at the ignorance of people who try to write. I never knew that spanking was 'capital' punishment! I always thought it was 'corporal' punishment, but I suppose some people take it more seriously than I do! :-)
 I must admit too, some of the errors with phonetic homonyms give me the giggles. The most recent examples have been 'taut/taught/tort', and 'a fowled line'. I still haven't worked what a 'taught butt' is. A 'tort' is found in the practice of law, and 'taut' is tight, but how does one teach a. . .? Or do they mean to educate a goat? Is a 'fowled line' what one uses to tie a chicken with? I know English is confusing, but-Come On! Enough is enuff!
Right! please note; I've reviewed my prices. Only minor revisions, but so many writers of short stories are reluctant to have their work checked, with most of them pleading poverty. Yet they are so often the ones who need to have their work reviewed, in order to present it better. I know that the big commercial editorial services charge a lot more than I do, but I don't have their overheads or investments to think of, so I charge less. All I'll say is- Try me! To start with, my turn-around times are much shorter!
There you go. That's my lot for Easter. Don't smear melted chocolate over everything. :-) R

Heyyy, I came back..

The loneliness off the long distance whistleblower.

Ah, the power of modern Social Media. I recently joined a local “poetry” group. The organiser of the group published a piece of some-one else’s work on the site, without the author’s byline. (And, I suspect, without the author’s knowledge or permission.) A few days later, she admitted that it was not her work, and named the author, but did not take down the publication. Her claimed ratification for the publishing was her admiration for the author’s work.

 I, being an author myself, decided to notify the original author of the work of the event. “Shame!” I hear you cry. I phrased it as a question. ie; ‘Did you know that a piece of your work has been published without your byline on media XYZ, and did you give permission for this?’ .  I note that the work has now been taken down, but also that I have been summarily removed as a group member. No notice, no reason given. No opportunity to ask why, as I have been summarily stripped of any access rights, and can’t even send an e-mail to the organiser to ask. I wonder why? I was not the person who infringed some-one else’s copyright, and the original author surely has the right to demand recognition for intellectual property rights!? The fact that no financial advantage was gained (I believe) is not a valid reason to infringe copyright! Nor is alleged admiration for the author. And to then not even have the courtesy to give the author’s byline can only lead to speculation about motivation.

But this is where the inherent evil of modern media comes in. I am denied the right of any further communication. Good, bad, or indifferent. I have obviously offended the organiser’s self-imposed right to ‘borrow’ some-one else’s work without recognition. There is no comeback, the organiser controls the group’s communications!

 My argument is as follows though: If permission had been obtained, my ‘blowing the whistle’ would have been ignored by the author, and nothing more would have come of it. So, it follows that obviously no permission was obtained. If person B does not report the knowledge of a crime by person A, then that, by law, is aiding and abetting. Does person A then have the right to punish person B for reporting the crime? And, the right to bar person B from justifying such?

Surely, anyone who writes in the public domain knows about copyright? How could anyone organising a poetry group not know of this? How would they feel if some-one else published their work, without acknowledging them as the owner of the intellectual property? Or is it a case of ‘one rule for me, but a different one for you’? Always remember that in today’s shrinking world, it doesn’t matter if the copyright owner lives on the other side of the globe, the copyright is international. What, if anything, have I done wrong?

There you have it. My little gripe for justice.  Any comments? 

And I'm still looking for more work, if anybody wants some proofreading done!

September 5 2013

Well, I'm still alive. It's been awhile, I know, but as the mouse said to the elephant, "I've been sick!"
Even now, I'm lying here, coughing. Strangely enough, nothing seems to stop me composing more poetry though!  The occasional bit of work proofreading, but I'm finding it hard to troll for work by buying and reading the stuff that passes for alleged 'quality writing'.
 Most of it is an insult to the intelligence, and being told by authors that they have a strong following despite my telling them of perceived errors, just brings me to despair. Timelines that run wild, chronological errors, cross-world speech conflicts, wrong spellings, none of it seems to count. As long as the emotional cripples reading it get their fix of shlock, with unreal expectations. No wonder so many people still get ripped off with internet sob stories, scams,  and phantom relationships with a faux person.
 Having seen what some authors get away with, and how good authors have to struggle for readers, I'm convinced the world is slowly sinking into the bog.  To tell an author that they have made a glaring error, and not even get the courtesy of a reply, is depressing. No one is going to convince me that they are selling so many copies of a book that it can't be emended. Especially now that I have published some myself! Correcting errors isn't hard with e-books. Or do they really think they are that good?
 I blame lowest common denominator 'social media'. I've seen what passes for insightful comments on Facebook and Twitter. . . What I want to know is this- do people really switch their brains off before they start using these forms of  media? Or don't they have any to switch on? The damage done to the language with texting, is even more incredible.
 To be watching a DVD from one of America's leading media companies, and see 'discrete' in the subtitles, when the context calls for 'discreet', is heartbreaking to me. The sort of money paid by CBS for the work, surely should ensure that the work is correct!? Or is the target audience deemed to be too stupid to know the difference? And once the DVD is 'out there', no one will do anything to correct it, either. After all, we have your money now, sucker!
Do I sound too intense? Maybe I am, but if all communication on this planet was as clear as mine, there would be a lot less confusion around. (perhaps more conflict for a while, but less confusion!)
New poems soon.  Still rhyming stuff, I'm afraid,
Free prose just leaves me cold.
Rob

Hello again, to my few readers. Sorry If I've been tardy about updating this site. My only excuse? I have been getting my first book of rhyming verses out there. This one is based on animals. "Elephants at Woomera' is now available on Kindle, for one measly Yankee dollar. I suspect it is only the first book, the rest will be about many other topics, different, but hopefully as funny.
Thank you, to all the people who have nagged, pushed, annoyed me to publish. It was all my own fault, really. If I had not been such a smart-aleck, sending various people examples of my verses, no one would have been laughing while they sent me exhortations to publish. And, it was a lot easier than I expected. So, to all the people who told me so- You were right! Thank you.

In the meantime, I have been told that my first ever raw MS proofreading has been published.  It felt strange, somehow, as I had previously only corrected books already published.  This one is not my baby, but I feel like I'm involved in the delivery somehow.

I will leave this here now, and go to the old poems, and replace them with something fresh. You've been patient, and deserve a change.

Greetings, world. It's been a while, I see, since I tried to motivate others to use my services. Sad to say, very few people seem to know I exist. My efforts have not gone completely unrewarded, but I'm not getting as much work as I'd like! I wonder, is my style too acerbic? Do people think I'm rude or arrogant? Sorry, folks! I have never suffered fools gladly. I take the view that if you want to use the English language to part readers from their hard earned, then it behooves you to spell CORRECTLY, get your tenses right, and don't change the names of your characters in the middle of your MS! Don't use quotes from Lewis Carroll  in a story set 30 years prior to "Alice through the looking glass", don't use expressions from a later Era in a different country while writing 'Regency', and, if you must throw in foreign expressions, for God's sake, GET THEM RIGHT! Unless your contempt for your readers is total, give them credit for seeing your errors. I know it's not easy, given the complexities of the language, and the various alleged 'Manuals of Style', but believe me, it can be done! I still believe that those manuals were written by vitriolic people who were just trying to destroy the original English language as a patriotic act against England! Or wanted to 'dumb it down'! A simple comma can make SO much difference to the meaning of a sentence! It's all very well for someone to say an author does not need to use one in front of 'and', but I beg to differ! But I firmly believe some authors find the argument convenient, because they DON'T KNOW when they should, or should not, use a comma! Alright, let's face it, we all make the occasional genuine 'typo', in fact I'm still guilty of it myself, I have just noticed! But to use 'breaks', instead of 'brakes'? Nope, that's not a typo, that's careless! Or worse. That's where a good, pedantic proofreader comes in. From what I've seen of late, some of THEM are too damn greedy for their own good, but let's face it, they can make a hell of a difference to the quality of the story! I personally find it discouraging to have an author tell me that they can see how good my work is, but they can't afford my very reasonable fees, or 'maybe, when I write my next book'  they may use my services.!! I'd rather they came straight out to say "We don't really care" or "Look, it's just too much work to switch my brain on", or even, just once,(!) to say  "It doesn't matter, our readers are too stupid to notice!" Oops! Did I just do it again? Come on, people! Accept that not every one is equally good at the language, and that some authors just don't give a hoot! I'm just a crusty old pedant, and your failures BUG ME! My personal failure is one of lacking faith in my own ability to use computer software. I have books I would love to publish, but I am somehow scared of the thought of losing my work in the process of formatting. I do things sometimes on my laptop, which then VANISH, only to re-appear out of nowhere when I least expect them. If only I knew how to find them again! I KNOW that they are in there somewhere, but I CAN'T FIND THEM! I keep telling myself it's a generational thing, but I think I'm going to have to face it, sooner or later. It's affecting my opinion of myself, damn it! And yet, people who can't spell, get it right! So frustrating! Ah well, one day! Enough for now.catch me later, or leave a comment.   I can take it, as well as dish it out.

23 August 2012. Boredom by plaster

Ah well, I just could not resist composing again.  I've done some paid work, and still I'm bored.  This plaster on my left hand is so frustrating, I just have to do something.  So, I hope readers like the new verse. One of these days, I may just publish an anthology of all these things. It all depends on the feedback I get. So, let me know what you think.

Post # 08/05/2012

Well, that's it.  Summer break is over. Back to the old grindstone. Who wants their work edited? Come one, come all.  I may have one hand in plaster, but I can still work with the other. Angle grinders are vicious beasties, and the next 6 weeks promise to be frustrating, and painful, with my left arm in a cast, but I'll manage somehow.  It does not affect my brain or my eyes. I welcome any work, and will return it quickly.  Otherwise, I'll just have to resort to composing more poetry to unleash on an unsuspecting world. Who will challenge me to find fault with their prose or spelling?

Some views on seasons.Post Nr 5, 6 july 2012

You lucky people in the Northern hemisphere!  Enjoying your summer?  Down here, it's a miserably wet cool winter.  Daily maxima of approximately 10 Degree Celsius, nights of  mostly 4-8  degrees. True, not extreme by Northern standards, but for locals it's quite unpleasant. Of course, just to bring this into perspective, Alice Springs, in the HOT centre of Australia, is currently "enjoying" night minima of -4C.  Compare that to their summer daily maxima of 40+ C, with night temperatures of 10-15C. To convert these to Fahrenheit, a quick rule of thumb is; double the C, add 30.   Why am I writing about this?  Well, I seem to be waiting for authors to come back to work!  It appears to me that all of them are on "Summer Break".  It's easy for me to talk about 'The Alice", as I have worked in that part of the country for three and a half years. Radio receprtion almost zero, TV? What's that? If one is very lucky, a vague image comes through. If you live more than 100 miles from  Alice Springs township, it requires a very tall aerial.  Where I'm going with this, is to say that unless you are a reader, it gets boring for anyone who has some cognitive brain function. That's one reason my English is so good, I read to retain my sanity.
The local wildlife is not very varied, (Dromedary camels, goats, snakes, lizards, the ubiquitous dingo, and the occasional kangaroo), and as such, there's not much hunting. Fishing is non existent unless there is a 1 in 100 year rainfall. Of course, to do anything like this, one needs to obtain permission to do so from the local indigenous tribe first!
With this slack time, I've become so bored, I've resorted to writing poetry. Expect to see some on a sidebar soon. This does not mean I have stopped editing, it's just a way to showcase my (English) linguistic flexibility, my warped sense of humour, and the way I pick up writers' faux pas. Hope you enjoy it.

Post 4

Well,still surviving, if a little bruised. I'm obviously going to have to watch my Ps and Qs a little more carefully. There are some very tender egos out there. Suggesting to an author that they may have made a mistake in their MS is fraught with danger. Where did this dreadful practice of using apostrophe s as plural come from? "Friend's" begs the question"Friend's WHAT?", whereas "Friends" refers to more than one friend, but somehow the former version seems to have become the standard usage for the latter. Just reading an ebook becomes painful with this sort of error. I mean, I've heard about self publishing, but PLEASE, get someone who knows what they are about to check the work first! You owe it to your readers, and your self respect as an author. English is a language that is tetchy, with socalled "modern variations" being given as the excuse for bad spelling or grammar, but most of the world that uses English as a means of communication uses STANDARD SPELLINGS! The poor devils who are from a background other than English speaking, and desperately trying to learn the language, don't cope well with errors in what is purportedly written English. Believe me, I know. Been there, done that. In spades, since Australians don't really speak English. Most of them come close, but not quite. There is a phrase used in this country-"Telling someone where to go", which equates to the British term "Sod off" or a ruder equivalent. DEFINITELY NOT giving someone directions. At least written English does not usually have nasal twangs in pronunciation. Sometimes, I go back to reading Nietsche in the German,just to get a break. Götterdämmerung does not have many errors left in it. For that matter,nor does a Dutch version of Napoleon's biography. Unfortunately, my French is not good enough for the original version. Still, telling an author that "roux" does not mean "roué" didn't go down well either. Why is it so hard for some people to accept that others may speak more than one language? It's almost unheard of in Europe to NOT speak more than one. For me, I feel that it's an extra string to my bow, and there's no extra charge while I'm proof reading.:-) Oh well, I'll just sit back and keep busy for now. My original offer still stands, just look at my first post. As soon as I work out how to post my prices in the side bar, I'll do so. Soon.

3rd Post 02/06/2012 (Australia)

Well, I've had plenty of time to read, as there's no incoming yet. The trouble is, I just get mad at the puerile errors I see. A breast may be a small PEAK, but to sneak a look at one is to PEEK! A fireplace has a mantel, not a cloak. ( mantle). An horse (yes, AN horse) neighs,whinnies, or nickers.It does not say nay, nor does it wear knickers! Prairie oysters are NOT BULLOCKS. Bullocks are draught oxen. 'Chard' is broadleaf vegetable, 'charred' is a state of being after fire.A plaintiff in court, may utter a 'plaintive' cry after losing a court case, but they are NOT the same thing! How can people call themselves authors, when/ if they cannot even get these simple things right. Why write 'site' or 'cite', when they mean 'sight'? ( Or any incorrect variation within these three?)No wonder migrants from a non English speaking background have trouble learning English. I read so many reviews from dissatisfied readers about ebooks, and yet very few of these books ever seem to be properly edited/proofread. I'm beginning to believe that computer generated words must carry some blame, but proof reading should catch these. So why is it not happening? Are editors/proofreaders pricing themselves out of the market? Are they demanding unreasonable fees? Is home publishing ignoring quality control, or are there people out there trying to cash in on a new market, without regard for the language? If an author is charging $0.99 for a book, and editors charge $200-300 to proofread, how eager is an author to pay such fees? Even then, you have to be lucky, and get a GOOD editor.I've seen books that have allegedly been edited at least twice, and they are still PATHETIC! I call it fraud, when they take money under false pretenses like that. When an author finishes a book, it should only need to be edited ONCE, if the editor knows his/her stuff. Well, I guess that's my gripe for this week, but I hope a few authors have read these comments and taken them to heart. Good luck, and may the muse be with you. And remember, a mews is where the falcons were kept. :-)Rob.

Slow going . My 2nd post

I think I might have been a little optimistic here. Still no takers for what I thought was a very fair offer. All things considered though, I'm sure I'm doing better than many others. After all, 2 comments, and 2 followers in 10 days is probably quite good in a limited field like this. It's not like I can go out there trolling for customers. The established authors all have a tried and true system set up already, and new ones are trying to avoid the pitfalls found on the Internet. The number of scams out there are just frightening, folks. I wonder how many new authors worry about sending their baby out for checking, only to see it published under someone else's name? Quel horreur! That's what copyrights are for. And anyone who has that happen to them would surely feel proud that their work is considered good enough to steal? Still no consolation for all the heartache though, is it? Recovery of intellectual property can be costly, and long drawn out. The trouble is, I can reassure potential clients of my honesty and integrity until the cows come home, but in the end, it all comes back to faith and reputation. So, patience is my watchword. Come one, come all. Rob

My first post 16/05/2012 (Australia)

  Hello there world. Welcome to my little corner.
 Even as recently as a month ago, I would not have believed I would ever do this.  All because of buying a Kindle reader to save money on buying books, and accessing some that I could never hope to find in this godforsaken country.
 Then, when I started reading "Kindle books" I got so irate about all the errors, that I cut loose on Amazon.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered that they were willing to correct their books, but they would first PULL THE BOOKS from their website, and that corrections could take 4-6 MONTHS to correct. And, if you don't mind, I had to find the errors that I objected to, and provide them with Kindle reference numbers.  After that, when/if Amazon would correct these errors, I would receive a corrected copy, and the books would be re-instated on their sales lists.
 Now, strange as it may seem, I didn't accept that as a fair deal.  Especially for the authors!
So, I thought, what happens if I approach some of these authors directly??? ( You know, the old mountain and Mohamed bit).  I was amazed at some of the responses I received.
 Suffice to say, some good, some hostile, and none from others.  I always thought that authors would be only too happy, to have some-one offer to help them with better quality control for their readers.  Seems that I was wrong.  I've since been told that most authors have a very touchy ego, and ANY comment is perceived as negative, and criticism. Oops. Not what I was trying to do.
I've only been reading proper books since 1955, in 3 different languages, and I've read a LOT. Maybe I only retain somewhere between 60 and 85 percent, but that's still a lot! So what would I know about what readers want?
 So far, I've been offering my my 'suggestions' for corrections for free, but some of the authors who have accepted my comments have been so impressed that they have suggested that maybe I could legitimately use my talents to provide a service for authors;  For a FEE.  To be honest, I like that idea.
 I can't do much in the way of physical activity, because I have a severe heart condition, but , read and type? Yep, that I can do.  I've often been accused of having swallowed a dictionary, a comment which in Australia is considered an insult.  It's perfectly alright to drink yourself stupid 6 nights out of 7, as long as you can still roar out the local team's song. ( Never mind that the local code of 'football' is one that would shock the Visigoths.) But; to actually aspire to quality in a literary sense?  Bulls are full of it, 'mate'!  If you want to see some-one get stroppy, just ask my son about dictionaries, and lexicons.

So, I decided to look around at the prices charged in the industry.  WOW.  How do struggling newcomers afford them? They not only seem unreasonable but the words "exorbitant", and "excessive" feature in there somewhere for me. Given that e-books sell for a LOT  less than printed books, and are quite often short, (anywhere between 30 and 150 pages seem to be the norm), I would think fees for proofreading should be commensurately lower. By the same token, you, as an author, don't want to pay peanuts for a shoddy job, either. Because then you have to get it done again, and pay a higher fee anyway, There's no point in that, and , heaven forfend, it may even make your book worse, not better. Plus it delays the publishing of your work.

  So, my offer is this; Anyone who wants to sample my skills, may send me a sample of their work; ( no more than 50 kindle pages please) and have it proofread for FREE.   That is a 'One off' only, for each author.  After that, we can negotiate. Send it to me as an attachment to an email, in a Word doc format please.  I will return it the same way, with a separate doc giving your version, and my suggestions, and/or spelling corrections.  This is for books written in standard English, and I can adjust for 'English' or 'American' spelling.   I was considering a flat fee of $25 USD for anything up to 50 pages, and depending on how big the book might be, a reasonable rate for anything bigger. I'm happy to consider any suggested rates.   My door is open.  Just remember, I live in Australia, and my time zone is ridiculously out of synch with most of the civilised world in the northern hemisphere.